One day Anni was twirling and singing one of her original compositions.
"It's my gift!" she declared.
Dizzy, she fell with spectacular gracelessness.
Laying on her back on the tile floor she began flapping her arms and legs
as if she were making a snow angel.
"Falling down is also a gift!" says she.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

8 sentences for tonight

The doctors postponed the scope until tomorrow, hoping that the bleeding will have stopped by then and the infection will be under control with the new antibiotics. She is still bleeding, but more slowly since they started the octreotide, a medicine which slows blood flow to the G.I. tract. A few alternative theories have been bandied about, but somehow I know with that paranoid intuition of mine that is, I must say, frequently correct, that she has more varices and that we are going to have to talk about another transplant soon. Even if I'm wrong about that, none of the alternative theories are exactly delightful(recurrence of PTLD, a CMV infection, Crohn's disease). We will not be home for Christmas. There is the most beautiful snow falling on Chicago tonight. Annika said it would be time to go home when it snowed. For the first time, I'm glad her bed does not face a window.

41 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you will not be able to return home for christmas. hopefully Frankie and your husband will be able to travel there to spend it with you.still praying for all of you stay strong. tabitha logans mom

12/08/2005 7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Much love and many prayers to you and your family tonight. --Val (delurking)

12/08/2005 7:36 PM  
Blogger Running2Ks said...

I am sorry. We are in town this holiday season. If there is anything we can do to brighten your time in Chicago, please let me know. Hugs and prayers to you all.

12/08/2005 7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Moreena,

My name is Francesca and I have been reading your posts over the past few days. You do not know me, but I really feel for you and you your family.

My heart goes out to your brave little daughter and I pray she gets better soon. My heart also goes out to you, your husband and family. You are all so strong.
Francesca Gordon.

12/08/2005 7:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, Moreena... My daughter was also transplanted at CMH five years ago and I have been following Annika's story through your blog. Please know that we are sending many positive thoughts and prayers your way tonight. I, too, remember watching the snow fall so peacefully in Chicago as our daughter struggled in the PICU. Many blessings to you and may you all find peace tonight!

Shelley, Mom to Caroline

12/08/2005 7:49 PM  
Blogger allison said...

Again, again, again. Love from anonymous people to you, prayers. As much peace as you can possibly feel, well wishes for your baby girl. I updated my husband this evening, and he too is joining in the prayer watch. Don't know what that means to you, but for us, it is a lot. And oddly enough, the least and most we can actually do.

12/08/2005 7:50 PM  
Blogger Phantom Scribbler said...

We are all of us hoping and praying and thinking of you.

12/08/2005 7:51 PM  
Blogger Friday Mom said...

Moreena- I'm a some-times reader delurking to say I'm praying for you all. May peace fill you all tonight.

12/08/2005 7:55 PM  
Blogger junebee said...

I hope things turn out well for your family. I can't imagine what you've been going through. I am a parent of almost-one-year old twisn and can't even BEGIN to fathom the challenges for your family. My thoughts are with you this Christmas.

12/08/2005 8:02 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Dearest Moreena,

I have you and your family in my thoughts. My deepest blessings go out to your sweet girl.

12/08/2005 8:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Annika is in our thoughts here, and you too. I can imagine the snow you're seeing, and I wish it could bring you more peace. Oh Moreena! Sending all the good in the world to that tough cookie of yours.

xo Catherine

12/08/2005 8:15 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Wanting to know where to send a care package for Annika!

Prayers continue for all of you...

12/08/2005 8:15 PM  
Anonymous Sheryl and Justice said...

Oh Moreena, I just can't help but cry for Anni (and you) tonight. I am so sorry that there are no textbook answers in this! Will Frankie be able to visit???

Keeping you all in our prayers.

12/08/2005 8:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Moreena, it's time for me to come out of the closet. I'm a secret lurker (and a friend of NatalieBear's). I've been reading the blog for quite some time and need to tell you that we've been praying and will continue to pray. Hugs to you & Annika (of course Jorg & Frankie too!)

Gerilyn in MN

12/08/2005 8:27 PM  
Anonymous ppolarbear said...

This is just so wrong.
Praying for all of you and hoping the doctors find something else.

12/08/2005 10:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can sense your tiredness, frustration and worry. It's safe to assume your readers/friends feel the same for you. Many warm hugs, well wishes and prayers that never go unanswered, are for you and your precious family tonight...on a peaceful Chicago night...

12/08/2005 10:15 PM  
Blogger angela marie said...

Moreena, you have all of my prayers. That may sound hollow after hearing it so many times, but please know that it is a solid promise. No family should go thru all of this. As I watch (just about) the same snow falling outside my home, I hope you gather strength from those of us sending it your way.

12/08/2005 10:22 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Oh Moreena, I am so sorry. I am crying for you tonight. This has to be heartbreaking. Prayers for your sweet Annika.

12/08/2005 10:26 PM  
Anonymous moirasmom said...

Hi Moreena. Sending good thoughts and many prayers your way. I know you and Annika will make the most of the holiday even if in the confines of the hospital room. Moira and her dad once pieced together a beautiful Christmas tree from constuction paper that filled the wall facing her bed.
Get some rest and please eat.
Take care,
Sue (mom to moira)

12/08/2005 10:39 PM  
Blogger Sarahlynn said...

Sending love and care.

And I'll be in the city around/after New Year, so if you're still there and - at that time - feeling up to a quick visit, I'd love to pop by with treats. With or without Ellie, as appropriate.

12/08/2005 10:50 PM  
Blogger jamie said...

We have lots of family and friends in Chicagoland. Dh is there for work most weeks and we'll be moving in Jan. I know I'm just a stranger, but if there is anything we, or any of our family or friends, could do for you or Jorg, please let me know. Even if you just need your house plants watered.

12/08/2005 11:03 PM  
Anonymous Mary Morgan - Kaitlyn's Mom said...

Many prayers being said for Annika and your family.

Take care of yourself.

Hugs to you all!

Mary M - Kaitlynsmom from CLASS

12/08/2005 11:10 PM  
Anonymous Joanna said...

Moreena
You are now living my nightmare (about bleeds). I am so sorry, this is more than any family should have to endure. I hope Annika stabilises SOON. That octreotide is powerful stuff (I gave Jessica daily shots after her last bleed up to her tx). Is Annika listed again??? What is the plan? Is there anything you need? Pls feel the strength and love that we are sending to help you through this. Yours,

12/08/2005 11:18 PM  
Blogger trisha said...

Moreena, I love you.

12/08/2005 11:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We've never met, but I'm watching that same beautiful snow fall outside my window this sleepless night and am finding myself trying to make deals with God on your behalf. If only.

Holding you in the light.

12/08/2005 11:34 PM  
Anonymous Emma said...

Praying for a good day and for a good Christmas wherever you maybe. Sending lots of (((hugs)))

12/09/2005 5:00 AM  
Blogger Elle said...

The good thing about Christmas is that you can take it with you wherever you go. Location is a minor detail.

I'm still praying. Take it a moment at a time. God Bless.

12/09/2005 6:35 AM  
Anonymous Beanie Baby said...

Thinking of you all still.

12/09/2005 6:47 AM  
Blogger mc said...

Another lurker de-lurking to wish you and Annika and the rest of your family the best at this difficult time. She's an amazing little girl -- thank you for sharing her (and yourself!) with us.

12/09/2005 7:00 AM  
Anonymous Robyn, Emma's mom said...

I am so sorry. I will keep praying for you and Annika.

12/09/2005 7:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sending love and prayers your way. I, too, hear the tiredness and frustration in your post. I wish I could offer more. Please know that so many here are offering our love, support, prayers for you all - I hope that at least for a small moment boosts you up a bit. We have come to know and love Anni and we are not giving up! Try to get some rest. I know that is easier said than done.

tina

12/09/2005 7:10 AM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

And me, though i'm sure you've neither time nor inclination to read the comments here.
So much care and loving concern expressed. So many prayers.
Know yourselves loved and held.

12/09/2005 7:13 AM  
Anonymous Becca, Jason and Natalie Ketter said...

Much love to you. I hope that you've gotten the cards. Moreena, I want so much to reach through the computer screen to give you a great BIG hug!

I guess it can wait a week for the real thing, we will be there Thursday.

12/09/2005 7:42 AM  
Blogger susan said...

You are in our thoughts and prayers, too, Moreena, all of you.

12/09/2005 8:08 AM  
Anonymous Lauren said...

Moreena,

As always, your are in my thoughts and prayers. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything at all. God bless you!

Love, Lauren

12/09/2005 8:18 AM  
Blogger halloweenlover said...

I'm so sorry, Moreena.

I hope your intuition is wrong this one time. Maybe we could all send ornaments and small Christmas things? Could you set up a small tree in the hospital?

12/09/2005 9:56 AM  
Blogger kirsten said...

Moreena,

I've been reading your blog lately, NatalieBear's website linked me. I keep up with a few of the patient's blogs from the floor. Yours is phenomenal.

I just wanted to let you know that I read it. Also, we are all thinking of Annika and praying that she starts to feel better very soon. If you need anything at the hospital you can always ask me.

Take care,
Kirsten, CNA 6West

12/09/2005 10:09 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

More prayers headed your way from Columbia and Kansas City.

12/09/2005 10:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May the peace that surpasses all understanding be yours. You have our family's love and our dogs slobbery kisses. If I was there and had a chance to introduce myself, I'd give you a hug and bring cheesecake. And I hope something will make you laugh today, something will make you smile and something will let you know you're not alone.

12/09/2005 11:28 AM  
Anonymous Miriam said...

No words can describe it for many of us, who are just wishing and hoping and praying for Annika and your family, and some good news. Hugs.

12/09/2005 2:30 PM  
Anonymous Rowan said...

We've had the Christmas with a child in the PICU. You will get through this. It will just be very hard.

I'm so sorry about the snow being a sign of sadness. I wish, for you, that it did herald a homecoming.

Wishing you
peace,
strength,
sleep,
rest,
and so much more...

12/09/2005 4:36 PM  

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